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Author Archives: Lamanda

Getting Out of A Rut 

It’s been quite a while since I last wrote, I have been very busy with a number of personal and work projects whereby I had to just go with that flow and keep focused. 

Over the very busy period,  I noticed a theme showing for some of my clients about the need to come back to what was important “themselves” – and do what was right for them in order to cope with the pressures of life and also deal with the internal distress that was negatively affecting their lives and had been for quite some time.

Many realized that their pain/suffering to stay living as they do was becoming far more intense and unbearable than the fear to step into the unknown to do something to make a positive change. It seemed like “a now or never time” for them, hence their reach out to me for help which was wonderful and deeply humbling.

I am sure you can relate that all of us have experienced extreme moments of life hardships where we allow it to continue for longer than necessary. We may distract ourselves from the issues as a coping mechanism too.  However, if we are self-aware we start to notice as we continue on like this, our happiness keeps dropping to create even more suffering and we realize we do need to do something about it.

Some examples of life issues we can go through and have been airing some light in my working world are below – some of them interweave with each other too:

  1. Living your life for others and not being on your own true path – you are not living the life that suits who you are deep down and you are sacrificing yourself to keep others happy because you don’t want to upset the apple cart or even lose or cause problems in a current relationship.

 

  1. Not feeling you live with any true purpose or meaning and live in such a way that is almost mechanical. You are numbed out and operate a lot on autopilot – and just follow ingrained routines, habits, and behaviors that stop you from feeling truly awake and aware to feel life’s joy, magic, and wonder. And you may also have a sense that something feels like it’s always missing.

 

  1. Not feeling energized or inspired about your life anymore – you may burn your candle out on the wrong type of things/behaviors so that you have nothing left for yourself to even consider doing some of the things that you know you love, that can top your energy levels up and give you a zest for living.

 

  1. Going through “the dark night of the soul” that instigates the facing of your own shadows but feeling so incapacitated by it all – you feel lost and in the void and do not know what to do or where to turn to.

 

  1. Getting caught up in addictive and escapism types of behaviors to numb and distance yourself to avoid any feelings of deep pain. These types of behaviors can be the overuse of alcohol, substances, social media, TV, sex, shopping, plus overachieving, overworking, overeating, and anything else that can give you a quick fix of “ having a temporary distraction” from how you truly feel. However, those unhappy feelings come back when you stop, and it’s a lot worse. And you may repeat those patterns to try to escape again. The negative states induced by any of the above can lead a person down a dark path of self-destruction that eventually leads to even greater unhappiness and a life crisis.

When people enter my life asking for help, I will often talk about the need to take more responsibility for themselves to help the situation they face and I explain what that really means.

We are all given a life and we all experience painful and difficult situations and for some, it’s a lot worse than others. However, all of us have to deal with dark, difficult, and challenging situations. We also have good moments that make life worth living. But if the worse times are far outweighing the good times, and life is starting to feel like it’s not worth living, this is a call for change and it’s our responsibility to answer that call as nobody can do it for us. But we can get the help we need to do it for ourselves.

What is also interesting, a lot of people are wise enough to know what they need to do to help improve their life but still don’t do anything about it.  

One reason this can occur is that we are all able to adapt and get used to a certain way of living and start to think/accept that it is how it is and it becomes a norm. For many, it seems easier to stay with what they know, even if it’s bad than step into something they don’t know because of the uncertainty of not knowing how things are going to turn out.

An example of this is living with someone who is abusive, the one being abused gets used to the behavior and often will feel there is no way out, or there may be other reasons such as co-dependency issues too. Plus, the abuse may not be happening all of the time, there will be good moments in the relationship too and they may feel that maybe in the good times the abuser will change for good. And the abused often gets told by the abuser if confronted after an incident,  that they will change and not do it again, however, at some point, the abuse cycle repeats.

We may not even have an external abuser but sometimes we may need to ask ourselves are we abusing ourselves by living a life that creates pain and suffering through our own self-defeating and destructive behaviors so we start to become our own worst enemy.

With the transformational healing and coaching work I do, I help people to face their inner feelings and fears in order to shine light onto their own darkness to heal and transform it. The aim of the work is to live in a better way that induces a greater sense of being, more happiness, joy, and successful living. There are a number of modalities I use to help a person when they choose to work with me from energy work, Neurolinguistic Programming and Master Brain Mindset Coaching, Life Coaching/mentoring, and intuitive guidance.  The mix works well! 

We have all been blessed to live this life and it’s up to us to make the most of it.  Life is never easy and in reality, it’s not meant to be, but moving through difficult moments with some clear intentions and actions for positive change when it’s needed can be so empowering and soul strengthening. When we do it and start to see better results, it inspires us to keep going and life gets better and better. We become our own positive change master instead of our own worst enemy!

If we are hurting/disrespecting/mistreating ourselves by not doing what we know we could be doing to reduce our inner pain and suffering, our self-belief, self-respect, self-trust, and self-love diminishes,  and when we lose those aspects we can lose so much more.

For example:  if someone overeats to fill a hole of deep unhappiness (due to an issue which they are not facing) and this person gets so overweight their health deteriorates so that it hinders everything they do for their unhappiness to drop even more and eventually this overeating behavior/habit shortens their life span. They have lost so much by not facing the real issue.  As an outsider looking in, it can be easy to spot this, however for the person living in the thick of it all, maybe they can’t see it, or perhaps they refuse to because it seems too painful to face.

As hard as it may get if we choose to face up to take more responsibility for our own lives and what we are doing to create it, we can make the changes that can help us consciously create a better future for ourselves.

There is always greater hope and faith to be found that can act as a guiding light for a much better future and in reality, none of us have to do it alone, there is help at hand be it our spiritual guides/angels and/or earthy support.

We can reach out and ask for help from our angels and guides and truly listen to their advice and act upon it to get better results or if need be, work with people who act like angels as “life helpers” who can guide, heal, coach, counsel, teach and hold our hand as we go through the change process and they can keep us accountable to the commitments we make to ourself for that change to happen.  And very importantly remind us we are so worth a better life and that we have the power to change it for the better to achieve that.

If we are struggling and it’s causing problems, it’s important to come back to ourselves and take a truly honest look to see how we are adding to the problems we are in. Because if we are having problems, the truth of the matter is we are part of that problem and can be our own worst enemy as mentioned earlier.  We can point the finger at others or lay blame or feel victimized by something that happened in the past. But the life we live has been given to us and if we are not taking responsibility for the part we play in it, then we can’t help ourselves or empower ourselves to change it.

One of the questions I may ask someone who comes to me for assistance is  “How does being your own worst enemy help you in the long run?”

That answer can go around and around on how it doesn’t help them when they really see it.

And then the next question arises “wouldn’t it be better to learn how to be your own best friend then?”  A friend that wants the best for you, who wants you to be healthy, well, happy, content, inspired, creative, powerful, living with greater meaning, has greater self-respect, self-belief, self-worth, self-love, and all the other things that come with that make you feel good about who you are to improve your life?

And a “yes” comes up…..

And in that “Yes” is where a better life can start and that’s the choice to make at any time – it can be chosen now, later, or never.  Free will is at play here but the choice is always ours to make.

If they choose to start now, they are choosing a new beginning that could positively impact their lives in ways that open doors to new possibilities and opportunities for a better future to be created now.

If they wait till later, they will keep repeating the past, putting off what good is waiting for them and missing out.

If they chose never, then nothing changes. Until a life situation changes it for them, which won’t be as easy to deal with if they had chosen to change it sooner for themselves.  This often happens because life wants to move us on to something better if we are stuck in something not good for us.  It often comes with a life crisis scenario such as a major health scare, job loss, home loss, financial crash, relationship breakup, personal crisis, or hitting rock bottom in various ways!!!

So my advice is this….

Being your own best friend is an option that can create a better future where you call the shots on how it’s done and the speed it occurs.

Journalling on “How can I be a better friend to myself” can also help you discover what good could be waiting on the other side of an open door, but it’s your choice to walk through that door.

It’s ok thinking you know what to do too but you have got to “do it” to really know it and to get the result you want.

Most of us are sitting on a pot of gold which is  “ourselves” facing a path where a better way of living is possible.  We have so many inner resources to pull upon to help improve things if we take the time to find out what they are and then use them. And I so love to help people realize what these inner resources are to help themselves get out of a rut.

I would also like to add something that often crops up in some people’s minds too, is the need to feel ready for change or if they do make a change having a need for a definite answer that it’s all going to work out ok too.   These two needs can be a hindrance rather than a help if I am honest. 

And for some, they are just excuses that can stop them from starting. I’ve heard many reasons as to why it’s not the right time to do something about a looming problem and then, later on, see it escalate into a bigger problem when life takes over, which can then take a lot more work to resolve.

My lovely mum always used to remind me about “prevention is better than cure” and she was right, however, if it is too late to prevent something from happening, making a start to sort it out sooner is also better than later!!!

So if things are really not how you want them to be in your life or with yourself, and it’s been going on a while and you know you do have the power to make a start to change them or you know someone you could reach out to ask for help to discover some new “hows” to change them, there is nothing stopping you except maybe your own worst enemy in you, by not choosing to do this. 

The word enemy can mean “something that weakens and harms something” – being our own worst enemy does weaken and can cause more harm than good for us.

Whereas a friend means “someone who truly cares, supports us and is trustworthy” being our own best friend can give you this and many more good things.

It’s wise to remember too that we can make a choice at any time about who we want to be toward ourselves.  In my own experience and with many clients, making the choice to be “our own best friend” can create a future where much better possibilities are waiting to occur.

It’s amazing what best friends can do for us and we can be the best ever friend for ourselves right now, it beats being an enemy by far and it all starts with a choice!

And that choice is always waiting 🙂 

Thanks for reading, I hope you found this useful, and feel free to pass this on to anyone else who this could help.

In service, Angel Blessings, and Love

Lamanda x

P.S. If you feel you have reached the end of your tether and want to make some life changes to feel better and get out of a rut with something.  Reach out to me for an informal chat by Clicking Here and I will arrange a call with you to go over your issue and share what I can offer to help (there is no obligation/pressure to work with me at all, but there’s no harm in finding out and it might not take as long as you think).  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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