Building Great Resilience When Life Sucks!
Right now in these uncertain times, we are all having to dig deeper into learning about becoming more resilient to cope better in the challenges we face that can show up big or small at any moment.
Some of the biggest life challenges we can go through that affect us directly or those close by us (that can also affect us) are the loss of loved one or pet, losing a job, losing a home, struggling with ongoing health problems, dealing with mental health issues, addictions, facing terminal illness, financial issues, relationship breakups, abuse, trauma, abandonment, plus other things which might spring to your mind. I would also add the current COVID-19 Pandemic too!
I expect in your own life you have encountered some of the above or other challenges and had to dig deep to get through it in some way and have come to know it’s not always that easy.
Maybe you are working at getting through some form of life challenge right now? Many are with all that is happening in our world around the COVID -19 Pandemic and other issues causing a lot of civil unrest, uncertainty, and that brings forth feelings of insecurity and fear.
I sense that things don’t quite feel the same anymore, and likely won’t ever again and wonder if you feel the same?
Even if some seem to be getting on well in everyday life (and that maybe is you), we are all on some level having to dig a little deeper into our resourcefulness and resilience to get through these very interesting and challenging times.
Recently I have been pondering on the meaning of resilience as a few life situations occurred whereby I had to tap into my own resilience to cope better in those circumstances in order to get through them.
The dictionary definition of resilience is:
1. The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
2. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
In the past, I have been a pretty resilient person and learned that from a very early age due to some of my childhood circumstances. This helped me to develop great survival skills, to have a very independent nature, and to have an ability to bounce back quickly in difficult situations. I remember in my early teens realizing that I couldn’t rely on anyone and I had to figure out ways to make my way in the world which then led me down many paths, twists, turns, and interesting situations! Some were good and some not so, but all of them taught me something to shape me to be who I am today and help me to get through the tougher times.
I could share more on this but I want to keep it fairly short and to focus on three key things I use to keep my resilience muscle strong, which could also help you in these current times or in the future.
No 1. I realized long ago that life sucks at times in big or small ways. I know it seems obvious, but we can often forget this.
By realizing this at a younger age I let go of feeling victimized by my circumstances. I also stopped asking the question “why is this happening to me” as I concluded that so very often, I just didn’t know and likely wasn’t meant too. I learned that feeling like a victim by asking that question kept me locked into more suffering. I also realized life is not meant to be easy at all, and that I couldn’t always rely on others and I had to get on with it the best way I knew how at the time.
And I want to add in our world today where we are constantly being bombarded on social media and marketing with all the smiling, happy faces and “the look at me generation – aren’t I great – my life is fantastic”. Well, I can see right through all of that and I expect you can too! Now I am not saying that its all fake, some are in fact having a great time of it, but I can see a general pattern of how things are being fed to us to make us believe that life is “always” meant to be great, when, in reality, it is not.
I also see how that fake projection can also program people’s minds into having a sense of expectation and worse still “entitlement” that life has to be perfect, rosy, rich, and happy all of the time. The “have it all now society” is being shown us through social media, entertainment and mass marketing platforms with the “buy now pay later” (with huge interest fees) and thus getting people into debt and into that false sense of what life should be like. And this also makes some people who don’t have what we may have, feel bad about themselves because they feel something is wrong with them. The fact is half of what we are being led to believe we need we actually don’t.
So, by realizing (or being honest with ourselves) that life does suck at times means we can let go of the “perfection illusion of what life is meant to be like all of the time”.
Also, it doesn’t matter how financially wealthy anyone is, that does not necessarily create a perfect life or make them happier. I actually know some very wealthy people, and they still have their fair share of problems in life to deal with. Yes, they have it easier than most in regards to not having the money worries but they still have problems and some just as serious as any of us.
Tip no. 1:
Be honest with yourself that life can suck at times and it’s all ok! It’s all part of the journey of living life and you can get through it.
No. 2. Another thing I learned as I realized that and accepted it. I also understood I had an inner power to help me overcome the obstacles/challenges I faced by using my mind to focus on the good that was right in front of me.
Yes, life sucks at times but in that, I could find something good to focus on to help me through those sucky times.
So, for instance, my cat Halo died last year, which completely devastated me and I was thrown into a period of grief and felt quite incapacitated for a while which was perfectly natural as I loved him so much and as I don’t have children he was like my baby. However, during that process of grief, I focused on some of the good things about the life I had when he was alive which led into feelings of being grateful for having him for the time I did. This then led me to focus on three other things each day to see the good and to be grateful for.
It is worth mentioning that when we are feeling down and out over anything, our mind will have a natural tendency to see the bad or negative in other things, and it can drag us down even more and so we have to work at focusing on the good to keep a better balance.
This came to light in 2015 when in a space of 3 months I lost my mum, my other cat Ziggy and my job (all of which I loved). These were three major losses that I had to deal with and get through. So by choosing to see the good and find things to be grateful for to stop me from crumbling, helped me a lot. If I am honest, it wasn’t always easy, but such is life, I knew life wasn’t meant to be easy, my life had never been easy, so I had to remember this to keep me going.
Tip no. 2:
Choose the see the good where you can and count at least three blessings each day to feel grateful for, to keep you going, and to lift yourself up when you are feeling down.
No. 3. The final and most important thing that hit me like a rock one day when I was about to dip down in a dark tunnel of despair, was to become more aware of how I was “being me” during those challenging sucky times.
At the time I realized that how I was “being me” didn’t bloody help the situation I was going through one bit, it was making it worse and making me feel worse! So after a bit of consideration and contemplation of what I was doing to myself, I came up with a question below that I use when I need too, which is:
“Is what I am doing or how I am being me helping or harming me?”
By taking a moment to ask yourself this question when needed, puts a bit of space between you and what is going on and how you are dealing with it.
So, for a simple example:
Once I had hit a pretty stressful time in my life, there were some family issues and all sorts of other dramas going on around me that was starting to get to me as it had been going on for quite a while. I noticed I started to feel quite low, and also pretty fed up with everyone including myself for getting involved. My mood had started to dip down for a few weeks and I wasn’t really getting on with what I needed to do – I was losing my mojo for sure! And on one particular week when Friday came round I just wanted to feel different and forget it all.
Well, some of you know that over the years I have endured periods of chronic pain with bouts of migraines. These migraines seem to crop up in cycles and can last from a day to sometimes 3 weeks, and I have to work my life a bit around them if it’s the longer cycle. I am highly sensitive to certain foods and alcohol too that can trigger them.
Well on this Friday after having a bit of a time of it as the day had gone haywire again I so craved to feel different. So on my weekly food shopping trip, I bought a bottle of wine! Now wine and migraines don’t mix well for me, but at the time of purchase, I had forgotten this due to being distracted by what was going on in my head!
When I got home and was unpacking the supplies I looked at the bottle I remembered my little question “ is what I am going to do (by drinking that wine) help or harm me?”. And of course, I knew the answer, it was going to harm me because I would end up giving myself a migraine if I drank it and make myself feel a whole lot worse!
So I chose not too!
The next morning, I felt glad about that and decided to take myself out to my favorite café for a lovely Saturday morning brunch and a beach walk instead. That action really helped me, because not only did I acknowledge I needed to do something for me to change my state of mind to go somewhere nice for brunch. Then also going to the beach also gave me the space to think things through and remember about points 1 and 2 above too! I used my resilience tools to get through!
Just to add a few more examples that people may do via patterns of behavior in a moment of a crisis or struggle that seem at the time to act like a little release but actually could cause harm are: driving too fast, smoking too much, binge eating, picking a fight or argument, staying up too late, overworking, drinking too much caffeine, using other substances, overspending, ruminating on certain thoughts from the past that makes you feel down etc.
Tip no. 3:
Ask yourself a question when you are struggling:
“Is what I am doing now or how I am being me, helping me or harming me?
And see what you may come up with and then choose to not take any action on anything that “does not help you or could, in fact, harm you”, because, at the end of the day, it’s not worth it, you deserve better! And life can be hard enough as it is without becoming your own worse enemy in the process.
These three simple tips can really help you develop greater resilience to life’s hard knocks and sucky moments so you can bounce back quicker and stay in your power!
And just to finish, we always have our angels with us to help us with anything big or small and asking for their help at any time we need it, means they will go to work to do something wonderful to remind us about something to help us, to guide us to a better way, send us a blessing and to give us hope when we need it.
I hope that helped you?
Love and Angel Blessings
Lamanda helps people all around the world with her work as an angelic guide/intuitive, coach, mentor, teacher, and healer. To find out more about what she does please visit her services page by clicking here